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Aug 26, 2001: I Want to Live!

WARNING: narcissism ahead

Not sure why the Grim Reaper has it in for me, but I'm clearly not long for this earth.

While white watering last month, I fell out of the raft at the absolute worst possible place on the rapids. Yeah, they fished me out, but I COULDA BEEN KILLED!

Then last week at the Jersey Shore the riptide snagged me and yanked me out to sea. Not knowing anything about riptides, I tried swimming straight back to shore. Mistake. Don't--I repeat--DON'T do this! (Here's what to do.) Thought I was a goner for sure. Between gulps of salt water, I managed to sweet-talk an unhelpful kayaker into dragging my soggy butt back in.

Yesterday I was trimming the hedges with the electric trimmer and SNIP! trimmed my way right through the power cord. Never had done that before in years of trimming.

So what does it all mean? I don't know, and I'm looking for answers. And fast, as I may not have much time left. Send me your prediction for my impending demise so that just maybe I can avoid it. Any other advice would be helpful too, like steering clear of that whirling vortex of knives just down the street. Best answer by the end of the day Wednesday (8/29) gets a signed copy of the polar bear book. In the meantime I'll have to cancel that tour of the local crystal meth lab...

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